• Parent Guide: Helping Your Child (and Yourself) with Math Anxiety

    If just hearing the phrase “new math” makes your palms sweat, you’re not alone. Many of us still remember that one math test that convinced us we were “just not math people.” Fast-forward a few decades, and now we’re the ones helping our kids with math homework- or at least pretending to before quietly googling “what is regrouping.” 

    Why this matters

    Math isn’t just about numbers — it’s problem-solving, logic, and confidence. But if a parent has experienced math anxiety, that stress can pass through to a child without you even realizing it. In fact, studies show that children of parents who feel anxious about math often perform worse- not because the child lacks ability, but because they internalize their parent’s worry. 

    But we have good news! Parents and caregivers play a powerful role in helping your child feel confident and supported in math — even if math wasn’t your favorite subject growing up.

    What you might notice

    In your child:

    • They suddenly “forget” their math homework, say they already finished it, or ask to do it later.

    • They complain of stomachaches, headaches, or feeling “tired” right before homework time.

    • They become upset when they get one problem wrong or erase their work over and over.

    • You hear “I’m just not good at math or” “I’ll never get this.”

    • They immediately ask for help before trying on their own- a sign they don’t trust themselves to succeed.

    • They try to finish quickly just to be “done”-  even if it means skipping problems or guessing.

    • Tears, frustration, or irritability that seem disproportionate to the assignment.

    • They say things like “everyone else gets it but me,” or compare themselves to siblings or classmates.

    In yourself (as a parent):

    • You find your heart rate rising or your patience fading the moment you sit down to help.

    • You say things like “I was never good at math either” or “I still don’t get fractions.”

    • You feel tempted to skip math help altogether because it’s stressful for you.

    • You assume your child will struggle because you did-  or you over-emphasize grades or test results.

    • You find yourself taking over the work (“Here, let me just do it for you”) to avoid frustration.

    The most important thing is to not judge yourself if any of the above sounded familiar. We’ve got you! 

    How you, as the parent, can help

    1. Rely on the experts

    • Our Toomer teachers know the curriculum and the support system. Let them lead the instruction.

    • If you’re unsure how to help, ask your child’s teacher for ideas.

    • Trust that your child’s teacher is working on building confidence, not just compliance, in math.

    • Let your child’s teacher know if you are seeing signs of low confidence in math at home so together you can work to stop the cycle.

    2. Limit your direct homework help if you’re feeling stressed

    • If you feel anxious about math, guiding every homework problem may increase stress for both of you. Research shows children may do better when parents step back and instead encourage them to take responsibility or seek help elsewhere. 

    • Instead, try: “I’m proud you’re working hard. If something’s confusing, let’s write down a question for your teacher together” or “I’ll send your teacher a Dojo message and ask them if they can help you with this tomorrow!”

    • Encourage your child to take initiative and ask questions in class- this builds independence, which is valuable.

    3. Seek out external resources if needed

    • A neutral adult or peer (who likes math!) can make math feel safer and more positive.

    • Use apps or online platforms for extra reinforcement in a low-pressure way- your child’s teacher can guide you to these on myBackpack! 

    4. Mind your math language and mindset at home

    • Avoid saying things like “I was never good at math either” or “I hated math.” These messages can reinforce negative beliefs in your child. 

    • Instead use growth-language: “You’re improving every time you try,” or “Let’s see what happened and figure it out.”

    • Celebrate effort and curiosity more than correctness: “I saw how you tried that problem — great job persevering!”

    5. Stay involved without micromanaging

    • Ask your child, “What part of math was interesting today?” or “What questions do you still have?”

    • Encourage them to explain their math thinking to you: this reinforces learning and lets you observe without offering solutions.

    • If math homework becomes stressful at a particular time, consider changing when it happens: maybe right after school instead of before dinner or even later when they are getting tired.

    Why this matters for long-term learning

    • When students believe “I can learn math,” they are more likely to persist through challenging problems.

    • A parent’s calm, confident approach to math helps children develop resilience and self-confidence.

    • By reducing math anxiety at home, you support your child’s academic growth and emotional wellbeing- which is a priority and focus at Toomer, especially as an IB school.

    The role of gender in math anxiety

    • Studies show that girls often report lower confidence in mathematics than boys, even when their actual performance is very similar.

    • Early on — even by age six or seven — children (including girls) may begin to internalize stereotypes (including gendered ones) about who is “good at math,” which can shape their beliefs and behaviors moving forward.

    • Because parents and caregivers influence children’s beliefs, the way we talk about math ability — and demonstrate our own mindset — can either reinforce or challenge these gender-linked confidence gaps.

     

    REMEMBER, you don’t have to be a math expert to help your child succeed in math- you just need to believe that they can and create a supportive environment where they feel safe to ask questions, make mistakes, and grow.